Rabbi Shalom Rosenfeld, the rabbi of Kaminka and the father of the Kaminka Chasidic dynasty, was born in Rava to the wealthy Yaakov Yosef and Yenta, daughter of Rabbi Yehoshua Tzvi Heshel of Bor. He completed the entire Talmud at the age of 9 and was known as the "prodigy of Rava." In his youth, he studied under Rabbi Tzvi Hirsh Charif and Rabbi Shlomo Kluger, and later drew close to Chasidut. Rabbi Shalom, who did not officially serve as a chasidic rebbe, was recognized as a great tzaddik and was known for his sharp wit. Many of his Torah teachings and parables are seasoned with witticisms that conceal lofty secrets. He passed away on the 20th of Cheshvan 5612 (1851), and his only son, Rabbi Yehoshua, filled his place in Kaminka. His Torah teachings and stories about him were printed in the book "Ohev Shalom."
Once, a miserly rich man came to the holy Rabbi Shalom of Kaminka and told him that he was quarreling with his wife, so he asked the Rebbe to curse her so she would die. The holy Rabbi responded that it is forbidden to curse someone, but he had advice for him. The Talmud states, "Because of the sin of unfulfilled vows, a man's wife dies." Now, in a certain town, they need a mikveh (ritual bath) that costs a great fortune. "My advice is that you should vow to pay for the mikveh's expenses, but don't intend to fulfill it, and through this, you will achieve your desire!" The man vowed to give the expenses for the mikveh and returned home.
After a long time, the wealthy man returned to the holy Rabbi of Kaminka and complained that he still didn't see any “salvation.” Nothing had happened to his wife. The holy Rabbi responded: "It is written that his wife dies, but you are not treating her as a wife, for you quarrel with her all day. Therefore, start treating her properly and don't argue with her, and when you make peace with her, she will be regarded as your wife and she will die."
The wealthy man did so, and peace began to reign in his home. They lived well and happily until the wife fell ill and was nearing death. The wealthy man rushed to the holy Rabbi and said: "Rebbe, now I am happy with her and no longer desire her death. Please pray for her recovery!" The holy Rabbi said to him: The only advice I have for you is to pay your vow and build the mikveh you promised." Of course, the wealthy man had no choice, and he paid his vow and built a mikveh.
The holy Rabbi of Sanz greatly praised this deed, saying: "Look, Rabbi Shalom accomplished two things at once: he took a miserly rich man and extracted a mikveh from him, and he restored peace to his home."
Found? Or Find?
Many single men and women ask themselves how to know who will truly be a suitable partner. This amusing yet unsettling story provides a very significant answer: miserliness, or a person who sees giving as something that doesn't flow naturally, is a major red flag for a character who is difficult to live with. At the beginning of the story, the wealthy man is presented only as miserly – but it quickly becomes clear that he is much more than that…
Chasidut explains the famous question that was customarily asked of grooms in the Land of Israel: "Matza or Motzeh?" The intention of the question is to contrast two opposite verses from the sayings of King Solomon: "He who finds (matza) a wife finds good" and "I find (motzeh) more bitter than death the woman." When a person "finds a wife," it is "good" – but if the situation is "I find," meaning he seeks his own benefit – then the woman becomes "more bitter than death" to him. A person who enjoys giving can "find a wife," whereas miserliness is the main point by which one can identify a type of "I find."
Rabbi Shalom of Kaminka himself was very sensitive to this: although he had boxes full of Torah novellae, he did not print his books because he did not want his learning to become a source of financial gain. Similarly, although many benefited from his Torah and advice, he refused to become a "professional Rebbe" and take money from the chasidim who sought his counsel. This distancing from personal interest and the desire to benefit others are the central qualities one should seek and maintain throughout married life. In our story too, the desire to avoid giving was the cause of the wealthy man's domestic problems. Therefore, when Rabbi Shalom wanted to instill the quality of "finds good" in the wealthy man, he chose to tempt him into charity – even if only superficially. Interestingly, Rabbi Shalom suggested that he should specifically build a mikveh – a form of charity that concerns Jewish domestic harmony.
Shared Generosity
From the fact that the wealthy man in our story is male, and also as a result of the interpretation of "I find more bitter than death the woman," a mistaken impression might be formed: as if the woman is only the "receiver" in the relationship, and she must check if the man is a good and generous "giver" for her. But in fact, as the Lubavitcher Rebbe said, every Jew is essentially a "giver." Therefore, both partners should approach married life with the attitude of being essentially givers: how can I act for the good of the relationship, my partner, and the world in general?
When Eliezer, Abraham's servant, wants to test the young women coming to the well, he chooses the test of generosity: will the girl before him "think big" and give him more than he asked for? When he meets Rebecca, who gave above and beyond what she was asked to do, he knows she is fit to be a member of the house of Abraham, the man of kindness.
Evidence of the importance Eliezer places on this can be seen in the order of his actions: after Rebecca draws water for the camels, he hurries to put the bracelets on her hands, and only then inquires about her family and lineage. From this we can learn that the qualities of the intended spouse are several times more important than family pedigree, which is often seen as a crucial detail among those of distinguished lineage. When there is a potential spouse with good qualities, the pedigree is an additional gift from Heaven (as Rashi interpreted the verse "'By this I will know that You have shown kindness to my master' – if she is from a family suitable for him, I will know that You have shown kindness").
Although it is written that "a woman is stingy with guests," Sarah our matriarch is not like this – and so her daughters are required to be. In a sense, one could even say that a woman's generosity is even more significant than that of a man. The Gemara explains that while a man gives from his money, a woman's giving is in food – which is literally the work of her hands, and also more readily available for the hungry poor. This generosity can be distinguished during courtship, if the young man or woman is endowed with a discerning eye. But even afterwards, it must be well preserved – as the most important quality in married life.
How to Bring About Change?
The Sanzer Rebbe, who told this story with amazement, was a close friend of Rabbi Shalom of Kaminka. Both studied together under Rabbi Naftali of Ropshitz. While the Sanzer Rebbe inherited his teacher's leadership quality, Rabbi Shalom took on Rabbi Naftali's witty sense of humor. For this reason, even when they "acted out" the roles of Rebbe and chasid (as some tzaddikim did during their travels), Rabbi Shalom would remain the chasid while the Sanzer Rebbe played the role of the Rebbe.
From this, we can learn that to move a person from their initial place and comfort zone, one needs to be clever and humorous… Of course, one can speak and persuade – but for speech to be effective, sometimes a person like Rabbi Shalom is needed: a person who knows how to turn the miser's life into a joke, and also make him laugh along with it…
