These two responsa originally appeared in Hebrew in the Beshalach 5786 issue of Nifla’ot.
Happy Birthday?
Question: My birthday is approaching soon. A birthday is always a difficult day for me—a day of soul-searching (cheshbon nefesh) that forces me to look back and gaze gloomily at the passing year and all the hopes that were not realized. Additionally, on my birthday this year—five years before the age at which one of my parents passed away—I am reminded of the sages’ statement: “When a person reaches the lifespan of [either of] his parents, he should be apprehensive five years prior to that age.” How should I relate to this?
Furthermore, I would be grateful for the Rav’s blessing for all the family members, some of whom are currently experiencing some difficulties.
Response: One must live in the present. The present is called Beinoni-time (זְמַן בֵּינוֹנִי) and the Beinoni is the “intermediate individual,” the common man in the Tanya who is required to serve God with this frame of mind. Thus, you should not think about the past (except to raise good memories—points of light that arouse and encourage) and certainly not about the future for “the past is gone, the future is not yet here, and the present is like the blink of an eye.”[1] The sages tell us that, “he who comes to be purified is assisted”[2] and conversely, for “he who wants to be defiled, the door is opened for him” opened with a statement from the sages that creates trepidation and anxiety such as the one you quoted about worrying five years in advance, etc.
Our ongoing mission and task in life is, “Today, perform them.” To pray to God that I merit to do, meaning to rectify this day, to do some good deed today, and nothing more can be expected. The greatest principle in the Torah is: “Be earnest with Havayah your God,”[3] do not investigate or ponder the future, do not worry— for everyone, all the family members, are in the good and faithful hands of the Almighty.
Your role as a husband and father is only to encourage everyone with a wide smile on your lips, always.
Blessings for the upcoming birthday and for the entire family.
The Concealment of God’s Countenance (Hester Panim)
Question: One of our very close family members has fallen seriously ill. The difficult news landed on us quickly. Time and again, as we strengthened ourselves with hope, we received an update that crushed it. Additionally, recently there is a general feeling of God concealing His countenance from us in various family events. How should we relate to this? What does God want from us?
Response: None among us see the Divine plan and how long they might take. In such situations, we have no grasp of the ways of God's Providence; we must only be silent and nullify ourselves before the Infinite, “which no thought can grasp at all.” As it says in Psalms, “Be silent before God and wait longingly for Him.” This is certainly a most difficult trial, both for the patient and for you and all the family members and relatives.
The trial is not to lose God forbid faith in God’s goodness (for in exile, one does not always see the good as “visible and revealed good”). No one demands of us to be on the level of Nachum Ish Gam Zu, the teacher of Rabbi Akiva who could point at any event and wholeheartedly state that “this too is for the good.” Even Rabbi Akiva himself was not on his level and only said “All that God does [is for the good], etc.," out of faith, while seeing bad things occurring before his eyes.
The essence of Divine service (avodah) during such a time of distress is specifically in the heart (not in the mouth)—to bind the heart in faith to the One God and to fulfill the verse, “Hope to God, be strong and let your heart take courage, and hope to God,” to strengthen and embolden the heart to hope to God that all will be good, in visible and revealed good. At the same time, increase your charity and good deeds as much as possible.
Sit beside the patient and retell stories of tzaddikim—awesome and wonderful stories about the events and miracles enacted by true tzaddikim—starting with the Ba’al Shem Tov, through whom the essence of Divinity in the world was revealed.
Prayer to God is called Rachamei (mercy). We beseech God, “Father, have mercy on us,” all from our interior, and a deepfelt heart, as mentioned above. During the High Holydays, we say, “Seek mercy like a pauper at the doorway” (בַּקֵּשׁ רַחֲמִים כְּעָנִי בַּפֶּתַח). The final letters of this phrase form the word Mashiach.
We learn from Hezekiah, the king of Israel (who was worthy of being the Mashiach), that “even if a sharp sword is resting on a person’s neck, he should not give up on compassion.” Indeed, he turned to the wall, the walls of his heart, to seek mercy, and God added fifteen years to his life.
May it be the will of our Father in Heaven, our merciful Father, that He perform a revealed miracle (God is All-Powerful) and that [the patient] be healed with a complete recovery from Heaven, and may you be able to share good news soon!
P.S. Presumably, you have checked the tefillin and mezuzot. It is advisable that everything be of the highest aesthetic standard and it is recommended that they be in the writing of the Alter Rebbe.
[1]. Pele Yo’etz, s.v., De’agah.
[2]. Menachot 29b.
[3]. Deuteronomy 18:13.
