According to Sefer Yetzirah, each month of the year has a special 'sense'. Cheshvan is associated with the sense of smell. The pleasing fragrance that creates an atmosphere of contentment, ease, and reconciliation is one of the foundations of the home.
The first word in the Torah, Bereshit, can be interpreted as beit osher (a house of happiness). When we enter a ‘house of happiness,’ we sense an atmosphere of happiness, a kind of 'scent of the Garden of Eden' – even before hearing the family members and observing their behavior. It is told that the Baal Shem Tov sent his disciples to observe a couple who each sat in his or her own corner, each engaged in his own activities, without speaking to each other. The disciples sensed the peace and serenity between them. It was the air of the Garden of Eden in their home. How do we bring the fragrance of the Garden of Eden into our homes?
Smelling the Virtues of the Other
In truth, the sense of smell already exists between all couples: The decision to marry, with all its rational considerations, ultimately stems from an inner sense of smell that identifies the shared root of the two (studies claim that unconsciously, the physical sense of smell also greatly influences the choice of a partner). Even the moments of most personal and deep connection are guided by an inner sense of smell, when the senses of sight and hearing become 'unnecessary' and even interfere.
Smell senses what is hidden beneath the surface. The decision to marry, beyond identifying the connection at the root, is also based on the 'scent' of shared surprises and secrets that the future holds. Throughout life, this sense of smell is expressed in recognizing the modest virtues of one's spouse, in a wondrous sensitivity to hidden good qualities (and in parallel, in the ability not to dwell on the other's faults and cause them to emit an unpleasant odor).
This is the Messianic sense of smell, about which it is said, "And he shall smell in the fear of God." While love tends to expand and express itself outwardly, qualities of fear, sensitivity, and modesty are relatively hidden and one needs to train the sense of smell to recognize them. One should smell when one's spouse has overcome his evil inclination, refrained from making a comment, acted with sensitivity and gentleness, given in out of love and concern for domestic peace, or modestly refrained from highlighting an achievement. This is the heavenly fragrance that we should enjoy, and it should fill us with love.
.Sweetening Judgments and Creating Contentment
Beyond the general atmosphere, there are moments of contentment that imbue the atmosphere with a good scent:
One of the husband's roles is to 'sweeten the judgments' of his wife – to dispel the bitterness of life and its difficulties, to soften criticism, and to fill her sense of lack. In Kabbalistic terms, sweetening is called perfuming. When a man succeeds in making his wife happy and turning a tense atmosphere into a relaxed one, the house is filled with a heavenly fragrance.
It is said of the worthy woman that she "does her husband's will." Chasidut explains that the worthy woman is like Sarah, who does-rectifies her husband Abraham's will until God says to him, "Whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her voice." Here too, every time the woman succeeds in fulfilling the man's desires, especially when she aims for his hidden desires, perhaps hidden even from himself (and sometimes while doing-rectifying and directing his revealed will), a pleasing fragrance rises in the house.
The sense of smell is also connected to the dimension of spirit in the soul: A loving spouse feels vitality and joy in every demonstration of enthusiasm and spiritual awakening of his partner, even when there is something childish or unrealistic about it. Suppressing the spouse's spirit, by belittling his feelings or ideas (which also has an element of violence), damages the sense of smell and clouds the atmosphere. Conversely, the supportive atmosphere that nurtures this spiritual awakening fills the house with the scent of the Garden of Eden, to the joy of all who enter its gates.
