The Secret of the Month of Tamuz: The Attribute of Erech-Apayim (Long-Tolerant)
"And God passed before him and proclaimed: Havayah, Havayah, God, merciful and gracious, long tolerant (erech apayim, which literally means “long-nosed”), and abundant in kindness and truth, keeping kindness unto the thousandth generation, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and He cleanses all…" – These are the Thirteen Attributes of Mercy corresponding to the months of the year (including the additional month in a leap year).
According to Kabbalah, the Attributes of Mercy are counted as follows: "[1] God [2] merciful [3] and gracious [4] long [5] tolerant." The correspondence to the months begins with Nisan, thus our month of Tamuz is associated with the attribute of "long" (אֶרֶךְ). What does this mean?
Patience for the Wicked
Firstly, "long-tolerant" is a heavenly pair (like "merciful and gracious" before it). Generally, according to the simple meaning, "long-tolerant" is one attribute, but the Kabbalists divide it into two, so that "long" belongs to Tamuz and "tolerant" to the month of Av. These two months go together, as emphasized in the period of the Three Weeks, called "between the straits" from the 17th of Tamuz to the 9th of Av. The two main sins in the Torah are the Sin of the Golden Calf and the Sin of the Spies: The Sin of the Golden Calf occurred on the 17th of Tamuz. The Sin of the Spies began when the spies set out on the eve of the new month of Tamuz, and ended on the 9th of Av when they returned and caused the people of Israel to "weep needlessly." Each month has a special letter, according to the wisdom of the Book of Formation: the letter of Tamuz is ח (chet) and the letter of Av is ט (tet). Together they form the word חטא (sin)…
Due to these sins, we need God's attribute of "long-tolerant." The letter of the law says that the sinner should immediately receive his full punishment. But the attribute of mercy says: Let's wait and give him an opportunity to repent. Thus Rashi interprets, "long-tolerant:” “He extends His anger and does not hasten to punish, perhaps he will repent." The word apayim means anger and literally means “noses.” Being long-tolerant is expressed in the rhythm of breathing, and "extending the breathing through the nose" means calming anger. This is a metaphor: one whose nose is long holds in the anger and doesn't rush to release it (as Ibn Ezra explains). Now we understand that if we Jews have a long nose, this is a great praise!
The main innovation in the attribute of "long-tolerant" is that the Holy One, Blessed be He, shows patience even to the wicked! The sages say that Moses asked God if "long-tolerant" applies only to the righteous, and God said "even to the wicked," as hinted in "apayim" in the plural. Moses argued that the wicked should be punished! God replied: You will need this yet. Indeed, in the Sin of the Spies, Moses asked for mercy and mentioned in his words "God, long-tolerant" – despite our being wicked!
Patient Relationships
The attributes of God's mercy are a model for emulation. "As He is long-tolerant, so too should you be long-tolerant." Being patient and waiting a bit longer is the great secret to good and happy lives in general, and to a good marriage in particular. A good marriage begins with the long-tolerance of the partners towards each other. Something is not working out? Your spouse didn't do exactly what you wanted? First of all, stop, calm down, and breathe deeply – that's why you have a long nose… The attribute of long-tolerant also means not "jumping the gun." Wait a little, don’t be compulsive, and act with composure. Thus, "long-tolerant" is divided into two attributes: "long" means the very act of extending, one more minute, and "tolerant" means calmly dealing with the arousal of anger.
All the primary sins in the Torah stem from a lack of this long-tolerance. If Adam and Eve had waited until the Sabbath day, they would have been allowed to eat from the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, but they couldn't restrain themselves… If the Israelites had waited a bit longer for Moses to come down from Mount Sinai, the Sin of the Golden Calf would not have occurred. If Israel had calmly considered the words of the spies, they would not have been drawn to sin, but would have joined Joshua and Calev.
Rabbi Nachman of Breslov teaches that the attribute of "long-tolerant" is the secret of the Land of Israel. The main praise of the Land in the Torah is "flowing with milk and honey," as even the spies admitted. “Milk and honey” in gematria equals “long-tolerant”. If Israel had behaved with the attribute of long-tolerance, they would have merited a land flowing with milk and honey.
Long and Soft Faces
"Long-tolerant" is related not only to the nose but also to the face. In Kabbalistic terms, in the sefirah of keter (crown) there is the concept of "Arich Anpin" (“long-faced”) – which obviously parallels "long-nosed." This is an image of infinite patience. I have all the time in the world… In fact, this is one of the inner meanings of the concept of keter itself, which in Aramaic means “waiting,” as in the verse "Wait (כַּתַּר) for me a moment."
One who knows how to say to oneself, "wait a little," rectifies the keter of the soul, which is the highest and most hidden power in the soul. When the keter is rectified, all the powers of the soul become 'softened' and not hard. Softness and gentleness are the secret of rectification, "A person should always be soft like a reed," "A person soft like a reed" (אדם רך כקנה) is an acronym for “long-tolerant” (ארך אפים).
The Remnant
The prophet Micah describes the attributes of mercy in different words, "Who is a God like You, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of His inheritance." The attribute corresponding to "long" is "for the remnant of His inheritance." Our sages give a wondrous interpretation for this parallel of the two sets of attributes: "'For the remnant of His inheritance' refers to a person who makes himself a remnant." Leftovers or remnants are considered secondary and insignificant. The moment a person relates to himself this way, he naturally attains long-tolerance. Thus it is said of Moses, "And the man Moses was very humble," and Rashi explains, "lowly and patient" – one who is humble and lowly in his own eyes is patient with everyone. Nothing will disturb his tranquility, because his ego ceases to be at the center; I am only secondary, and not everything needs to revolve around me.
How does one reach the feeling of being just a "remnant"? When a person is aware of the abysmal distance between his tiny, limited personality and the unlimited Holy One, Blessed be He, he naturally feels secondary and like a remnant. This doesn't mean feeling abandoned and forgotten, but the opposite: nullified within the Divine goodness that gives him life.
Back to the rectification of the sins of Tamuz and Av: The more we make ourselves like remnants, adopting the attribute of "long-tolerant," the more God's infinite mercy, the 'long' mercy of "long faces," will encompass us. We will yet arrive at a land flowing with milk and honey!
