Q&A: Fertility Mindset

Q: We have been waiting for children for a number of years and are undergoing fertility treatments. Following every unsuccessful treatment, we of course suffer great disappointment and difficulty. From what mindset should we approach the treatments? Faith that with God’s help, someday it will be good? Or confidence that the treatment will succeed?

A: You should have complete confidence that you will soon merit God fearing, Chassidic children, with God’s help. God initially made our Patriarchs and Matriarchs infertile because He desires the prayers of the righteous. Thus, the first thing to do is to strengthen your praying – “Pour our your heart like water before the Face of God.” Chapter 100 in Psalms is a segulah for birth, “A psalm of thanksgiving, serve God with joy, come before Him with singing.” You should know this chapter by heart and say it often.

Of course, follow the instructions and advice of your doctor and continue to take practical action, with complete confidence that “God’s salvation is like the blink of an eye.” This is particularly true for the month of Iyar, a permutation of “Ani Hashem Rofecha/ I am God your doctor.” The sense of the month of Iyar is machshavah (thought), a permutation of b’simcha – with happiness! (Regarding taking practical action, according to the instruction of doctors, the Rebbe the Rayatz said “For children, one needs mesirut nefesh/self-sacrifice.”)

In addition, you should be extra careful about the laws of family purity. Review the laws and customs (the Chabad customs, as is your accepted practice). Participate in and initiate women’s study of the laws of family purity. This is a tried and true segulah that the Rebbe emphasized many times.

The main thing: “He who walks with simple sincerity (sincerity, the inner dimension of Hod – ‘the feminine aspect is in Hod’) will walk confidently (with active confidence, the inner dimension of Netzach – ‘The male aspect is in Netzach’).” Work on your own awakening from below (by employing the trait of simple sincerity in the soul – there is nothing like a person conducting himself with simple sincerity before God to awaken God to save him), which brings and draws down Divine awakening. (First God infuses the soul with complete confidence in Him and His imminent salvation, and then he saves the person in reality).

Think positively and all will be good! May we hear good news from you soon!

Photo by Peter Oslanec on Unsplash

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